Do you say yes when you really want to say no? What about letting people treat you in ways you don’t like because you’re too afraid to set a boundary? Perhaps you’re still beating yourself up for some mistake you made 10 years ago? Whatever the case may be, I’m willing to bet that we can find some link to the guilt epidemic buried within you.
Chances are, you say yes when you want to say no and you don’t stand up for yourself because you feel obligated to others and need their approval. If you say no, you feel guilty and afraid based on some fear of rejection or not being loved which all boils down to self-worth. Your mind tells you their counting on you, they need you, they will be mad at you, you owe them, they won’t love you, you’ll be all alone, etc., etc….
Does this guilt sound familiar?
Now…..how about those of you still holding on to a mistake from the past. Did you learn from your error? Yes? Then move on. No? then you are supposed to feel guilty and you can use that shitty feeling to motivate yourself to change. Or don’t and just continue to wallow in the self-loathing that comes with guilt.
Do you still act in the way that you did that you feel guilty for? No? Great! Then why are you till beating yourself up? Chances are it’s just your ego doing what the ego does….setting impossibly high perfectionistic standards of living for you and everyone else in order to keep you feeling bad about yourself so you don’t tap into the infinite divine love that is your true essence and a direct threat to the ego. Your ego thrives on the idea of you being a unique, separate and disconnected entity from others, so it will do all it can to keep you feeling isolated.
Now, if you’re answer to my last question was yes then you probably have earned your feelings of guilt because you choose to continue acting in a way that makes you feel horrible. If you suffer from some addiction, compulsion, or some other seemingly uncontrollable behavior then seek help. That’s your choice. Continuing to choose a compulsion out of fear and then wallowing in the guilt of feeling horrible about it is a vicious cycle that keeps you trapped in victim mindset and there is no change to be had there until YOU make a decision to step into the fear of the unknown and make some changes.
The kicker is you have to commit to it AND you’re going to need help!
Here’s the thing about guilt
It is a life sucker. Guilt will just eat us alive—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s such a challenging one to work with because, in today’s world, we are taught to feel guilty about everything. We are taught that we need to live according to the expectations and life rules of others which diverts us from who we truly are.
We feel guilty when we say no and when we say yes. When we don’t meet the high demands and expectations of those around us, including ESPECIALLY the unreasonable ones we place on ourselves. We spend so much time creating beliefs around what is “right” and “wrong” and then more time beating ourselves up for the “wrong.” It’s an endless vortex of soul-sucking energy.
Forget right and wrong and just live well.
Guilt is supposed to be felt when we actually do something that’s messed up. The other guilt, the one we’ve been programmed to carry, is a distorted version of this. We can examine why we feel the need to live by someone else’s standards when we feel guilt over being true to ourselves. Please don’t misunderstand me….there are horrible things that happen in the world, but the things we label as “wrong” and feel guilty for are merely shadow elements of our darker natures that come out in extreme ways because we are taught to suppress them.
It’s normal to feel guilt when we do something that goes against our own moral code, but holding on to it will make us sick. Transmute guilt with forgiveness. When we forgive ourselves for our transgressions we become much less judgmental and much more forgiving towards the errs of those around us. I’m not saying that we condone the dark things people do, I’m just saying that when we stop carrying judgment on ourselves we don’t feel the need to judge anyone else.
The secret is….
When you stop judging yourself and you accept you for who you are in all of your divine imperfection guilt floats away like a cloud on a windy day. If this resonates with you, the question to ask yourself is this: Why do you think you need to be perfect? Who says you can’t make mistakes? Why do you feel like you must please everyone and not yourself?
Start there. If you really dig into these questions you’ll be amazed at what you’ve been carrying underneath the surface for all these years.
If you really want to start living a guilt free life, you first have to admit that your guilt paradigm even exists and that’s it’s a problem. Then you have to choose to try something new. Then you have to commit to making the changes no matter what. It takes work and it won’t happen overnight, but if you really want it, you can make it happen. I did! That’s exactly why we started Hug Your Chaos! To show the world that we can heal together by talking openly about the darker aspects of life that hold us back.
Author: Lindsay Carricarte-Jones