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The last words I remember him saying were “My fifth rule of the evening is this: whatever else you do, don’t die here tonight..!”

Of course, although he continued speaking after this point, everything else had the volume turned down after that; that was when I stopped listening.

Was it actually that simple? Did I really have the power to make such a permanent decision?

There was eight of us sitting in the circle that night. I don’t believe it to be any coincidence that I was the least experienced with this type of thing. It was also at this stage that I was thinking “I might have made a bad choice in coming here…”

Too late! I had the cup of thick blackish liquid in my hand and despite my misgivings regarding what was about to happen, I stepped against my better judgement and drank it. The first thing I noticed was the extremely bitter taste.

Within 15 minutes, I could hear those around me in the blacked out space beginning to purge, but I did not feel the need. “Great! I must be pretty clean inside, physically and spiritually. No purging here!”

I didn’t realize just how wrong I was and that there was plenty of work to be done within me. I don’t have a clear memory of how I actually made the transition, however one minute I was sitting and consciously breathing, the next I was falling down a tunnel of pulsating light and sound.

The first hour of my journey was spent in a balance between violently purging and being stuck in a “dark carnival” of vibrating energy. Although it’s now a distant memory, I can recall a feeling of having no point of reference. The body was still there of course, however it was separated from me now. There was a body, yet it was not me!

What keeps the physical body alive whilst “I’m” out here in Sacred Space?

I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of fear because I was now separate from the body. That the body would not know what to do to keep itself alive without my intelligence; it was very sick and purging every few minutes. Now that I was out here in a separate space of non-physical Reality, would it know that it cannot remain lying down on it’s back whilst purging?

Occasionally I would cross the bridge back to the body and remember that I was still here in this little cabin in the woods. Each time I did, I noticed the room was heavily distorted and pulsating with light. There was a powerful Shaman sitting just across from me chanting in Spanish. The odd thing was, even without speaking a word of Spanish, I understood the chant perfectly and could even sing along.

Back into the darkness I fell. I remember standing in a room completely devoid of light. A fragment of the mind had come with me this time and was rationalizing the experience. ‘You’ve just taken something and are having a bad trip. It will be over shortly and you’ll be OK!’

What happened next was the most powerful moment of my life thus far! A being stood in front of me with an energy emanating from it the size of a mountain. It pulled me up equal with it’s eyes and said “WRONG! YOU will not be OK! There is no YOU!” With that, a giant energetic axe came down and chopped right through the mind and any sense of ‘self’ that I still had.


At this stage, I remember saying to this Being of infinite power, ‘I don’t want to die! I have too much left to do, and I made an agreement that I would return tonight’. All that was said was “SO BE IT”, and I found myself sitting up once again in the little dark room.

All of the energetic fireworks had finished by this point, however I noticed two new people in the room with me. They were both over 9 feet tall, wearing white robes and with long white hair. I wasn’t sure how they had come to be here, but their presence was very comforting.

I closed my eyes and fell back into that darkness. Only this time, I was anchored firmly to something rather than flailing like someone trying to swim who had never touched water before. It came in waves, in and out, in and out, and I realized that I was anchored to the breath.

From that place of center, I started having realizations surrounding my childhood, my Father, the path of my life. I somehow knew I needed to have everything that I wasn’t destroyed so I could understand these things.

The journey onwards

Many months after my experience that night and I am still growing from it. I have come to know both myself and the world in an entirely new light. Although many aspects of the journey were quite frightening, I am super grateful for drinking that thick blackish liquid, and I would do it again in a heartbeat if the opportunity to do so arose.

I did die in that darkened room surrounded by eight people, a Shaman and two energetic beings from somewhere else, yet in doing so, I also got to make a choice that has taught me how to truly LIVE!

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Denise Cowan · May 2, 2017 at 9:55 am

Thanks for Sharing your journey it explains alot…. I no longer fear death now….however I love life and hopefully I’ll be an old old lady one day.๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™

    Chris Jones · May 4, 2017 at 7:32 pm

    Hi Denise,

    Thank you for reaching out with your kind words.
    I don’t honestly feel there is anything to fear with death.
    It is super taboo in our culture which creates fear for us, but it is a beautiful transition.
    Those that leave us, just step into the next room.
    That’s all.
    I have also just experienced Kambo Frog Medicine which was whole next level.
    Any fear I had left is now gone completely.
    All the best on your journey <3

Jennifer Arnold · May 4, 2017 at 9:57 am

the breath

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